Job Hunting, or "How to Question Your Worth While Trying To Make Yourself Seem Worthwhile"

The past few weeks have been filled with resumes, cover letters, awkward phone calls regarding the status of a job application, and wondering whether or not I should just join the circus. I used to be flexible as a child. I could be "She-Used-To-Be-A-Contortionist" Girl!

In reality, though, this process is terrible. After I finally find something somewhat worthwhile, I get my hopes up and begin imagining life in that city and what my coworkers would be like. The worst is that, when I get any sort of feedback, even a "Thanks for applying! We'll be taking your resume and cover letter into consideration! DON'T CALL US, WE'LL CALL YOU!" email, I begin to look up apartments in the corresponding city and then wonder if my imaginary dog and I will be within walking distance of a dog park. In the best-case scenario when they want to interview you, I just assume that we'll be together forever and they're going to offer me a six figure salary any day now for that entry-level development position at a nonprofit. Why wouldn't they?

Then there's the interview.
Then you sweat.
Then you begin to second guess yourself.
Then you don't hear back from them.
You wonder if maybe it's because they could tell you were sweating.
You begin to reconsider you deodorant preference.
Then you call them, even though they said, "Don't call us, WE'LL CALL YOU!"
They say, "Calm down! We'll call you." This just makes your more nervous.
You remind them of why you're a great fit for the job, while silently reminding yourself that THERE ARE OTHER FISH IN THE SEA and, you know what? You're a GREAT catch! Anyone would be lucky to have you!

Then you wait.
And then you find something worth applying to again. You begin to wonder what your coworkers would be like, and you start to google dog parks. It's an awful process.

I'll end this tirade with this lovely graph I made earlier today in Paint. Please note the scale ranges from Rainbows to Meh, and ends with a Toilet. Please excuse the poor resolution. I blame blogspot.